Yes, senile.

Well, that's what you'll no doubt think. Like all 'cyclonesue stupid tales' this one is so very true - I only wish it wasn't!

Today, I celebrated lamented reaching a birthday with a zero in it. This not only meant deciding on me-type things to do, but there is also that inevitable 'ring everyone and thank them' thing that has to take place. So, having opened my cards and grinned greedily at birthday money, I decided to embark upon my phone-calls-of-duty, starting with my mother...

Having thanked my mother for her card, she then asked me: "So, what are you doing tomorrow? Anything special?"

Tomorrow? Odd thing to ask. Here I am performing my it's-my-birthday duty call with my mother, and she asks me if I'm doing anything tomorrow! Answer: "Um - no. Going to get a puppy fitted with a strait-jacket harness, but that's all."

"Well, shall I call you tomorrow?" she then asked.

Understand here that me and my mother converse about once a month - if that, so why did she want to call tomorrow? We are talking TODAY but she wants to call tomorrow too for some inexplicable reason. "Well, if you'd LIKE to call me, then sure - it's always nice to chat," I bumbled awkwardly, "but you've had the birthday-call and all that now - no need to feel obliged to call tomorrow too..."

"But it's not your birthday today," said my mother.

That did it. My mother has hit THAT age, obviously. Of COURSE it's my birthday (with a zero in it). How could she not know this?! I know she was actually THERE on the day I was born, so I reckoned she must be going a bit senile or something and had got her dates muddled.

"My birthday IS today," I said, keeping my voice calm lest my mother needed to placed in a care home or something; no point in stressing her if I was about to break this solemn news to her. "27th June - my birthday! And now I'm about to get my birthday-meal!"

At this point, my not-at-all-senile mother burst out laughing!

I waited for something like ten minutes before she'd apparently picked herself up off the ground and dusted herself off. But I could tell she hadn't done laughing yet. "Today is the 26th!!!" she blurted before collapsing into more hoots of laughter. "Your birthday is tomorrow - check your calendar!!!"

And so, there you have it. My birthday is NOT today. I am spared the zero for another day. Meanwhile, my partner (who, I hasten to add, also failed to notice I'd named the wrong day) has spent much of the evening laughing (at my expense), no doubt looking up care homes for senile partners who don't even know when their birthday is!