So, it's here.

Happy Valentine's Day to you.

Did you get a sackful of cards or lots of lovely kisses? Yes? Well, you can shut up!

What about the rest of you? You got nothing? I bet you DID get something for Valentine's Day. I received lots and lots of loving messages from my local supermarket. They started nicely enough: "Roses - buy your loved one some beautiful, red roses for Valentine's Day - only £57.00 a bunch". However, as time grew nearer to Commercial Exploitation Day Valentine's Day, it was clear they were worried: "[Polite cough] - We notice you haven't bought any red roses yet - but you STILL have 48 hours in which to order!" - together with a big, fat 'Add to Cart' button.

Of course, at my peril, I ignored this email too. And so, they started flooding in thick and fast: "Only 9 hours, 23 minutes to go - quick, BUY some!" Shopping cart readily populated for my convenience.

"You've persistently ignored the fact that we're wanting you to buy our lovely red roses, and so we've been FORCED to drop the price to just £38 a bunch. I do hope you realise we have had to lose many staff in order to finance this discount, now please have the decency to BUY!!!" Naturally, filed with my other Valentines greetings.

And now, silence. No roses, just silence. I expect I will receive the supermarket firing squad at my door later. It's okay though; I'm suitably armed with a big bottle of weedkiller.