When TSR rolled out v6 of the TSR website, they smilingly gave a small collection of hapless artists a blog. The purpose of the blog is to announce (to you good people) what we (hapless ones) are doing our best to create for you...

Big mistake!

For I'm about to waste yet MORE valuable 'creation update' space to tell you a funny story instead (and every word of it is true)...

Imagine this: you're a woman in your thirties, and an enthusiastic bird-spotter. Planning a walk, you take your three dogs along with you and your binoculars (in case you see any interesting feathered creature that, for some peculiar reason, is going to hang around DESPITE the fact your three prey-hungry dogs are with you). You're strolling across open bird-spotting country when you see a very peculiar-looking bird standing in the middle of this big, open space. Your eye-sight isn't very good so you put the binoculars to your eyes and peer right up to this strange bird. It doesn't do anything, and isn't bothered by the dogs either, which is fortunate.

Now, let's rewind this tale a little to set the scene. Hours earlier, seasoned birdwatchers the length and breadth of the UK have travelled down to the place where an extremely rare bird has been spotted. It's possibly the first time that this bird has ever been seen in the UK, for it is from southern Europe and might never be seen in the UK again. Therefore, many, many birdwatchers have arrived early and have taken up station in bushes everywhere, their binoculars trained onto the centre of the field where there is a small pond, and where the bird has been sighted before. Eventually, after much waiting, the foreign bird appears. The birdwatchers can't believe their luck and prepare their telescopic lenses for some fine photo shots...

But wait! Some idiot's walking right out towards the bird! (that's you in this sorry tale) To the horror of the hidden onlookers, the thoughtless intruder has three dogs with her! It's fortunate that the bird remains, but no-one can believe that this woman is walking right up to the bird anyway, with her dogs, and is now peering through binoculars directly down at it - about a metre away, if that. The birdwatchers are mortified and can't believe that they've travelled for nothing, that the bird will fly away because of what must be a very inexperienced (or bold) birdwatcher risking everything for some selfish, close-up views. The birdwatchers hold their breath, their telescopic lenses trained on the bird in the hope you will finally MOVE so that they can take some photos for their local Ornithologists clubs before the bird disappears.

Back to you then. Not being able to identify birds easily by sight (your eyesight is poor and that's why you had to stand close to the bird in order to see its detail in your binoculars), you make a quick but leisurely sketch of the bird with the intention of looking it up in a book when you return home. You then realise that (a) you're a long way from home, and (b) you should have gone to the toilet before you came out (you know where this is going, don't you?). You look all around you. Not a person anywhere for miles and no-one really comes out here anyway, so in urgent need of relief, you crouch down near the bird...

It is only as you're finishing this much-needed wee that you notice a glint of metal in a bush not too far away. You wouldn't have paid too much attention were it not for the fact that there is also a similar glint of metal in the next bush, and the next. In fact, you notice rustling in the bushes, and with sickening disquiet, you realise that, in EVERY bush all around you, there are an unprecedented number of bird-spotters surrounding you, all peering at the bird right next to you - or were, until you did what you just did! With horror, you realise that you seem to have walked right in on some very special and important birdspotting event, and that the bird next to you is no ordinary bird at all. You also know that these birdwatchers won't now be able to seek fame by sending their pictures to any Young Ornithologists Magazine - because of you. Worse still, because you live in a small village nearby, some of these people will even KNOW who you are! Yes, you have been caught well and truly with your pants down!

Now, I'm not going to tell you WHO this very special woman is, but suffice to say that she will MURDER me if she sees this, and chances are that she will. However, I could not resist the retelling of this tale as it had me laughing all night. So, I will bid you all a fond farewell and my epitaph, should it be needed for my grave, can be: "Should have kept her big trap shut!"